Extreme Introvert, Recluse

This is a post about myself.
I am an extreme introvert and recluse. Taking with me is like having a conversation with a wall. I am not trying to put myself down or anything, it’s just I give one word reply without meaning to. I am too busy trying to figure out why are they talking to me, is what am I doing normal, is what the person doing normal, am I being too forward, too stand offish, what is the person talking to me goal is? I am trying to figure out all this crap while listening to the conversation and smiling the brightest smile possible to hide my anxiety. After two minutes though I usually end the conversation though because what if the other person is doing the same thing and realize that I am not normal. I know, I know What is normal though? Say that to my cramping stomach, sweaty palms, and elevated heart rate.
Because of this I have become a recluse. I don’t go outside of the house unless it is a dire need. I once survived in my house for two weeks on canned vegetables because … I don’t know. I honestly don’t know, I had the money, the transportation, and I had the hunger pains but I would open the door and think about the crowds and people and leaving the safety of my home and decide against going, putting it off for another few days. That only happened twice though and again recently. I quite my customer service job two years ago because I kept getting complaints. No one wanted someone to make their food with a fake smile and a deathly aura rolling off of them. Sense then I have tried to find stable at home jobs with no luck.
Being an extreme introvert affects me in all social situations. I permanently deleted and erased all of my social media accounts years ago. Although I made a new facebook account because I want to be a published author and wanted a way to connect with other authors and market my book. That is a no go, turns out I extremely dislike social media. I mean I love following my favorite authors and fangirling over a post about their new book is great but I have to actually make friends online, which sucks because all I know how to do is reply back in one liners. Which I have found out the hard way, you can’t make friends with one line replies. I have been trying to give longer replies to people post but most of the time I delete what I typed because it sounded stupid or off and go with the generic reply. When I give a longer reply which I think is perfect usually all I receive is a “thanks for reading.”
Long story short marketing through social media is harder then it looks, but I am going to keep at it.
Enough about all this deeply personal stuff, back to what this blog is supposed to originally be about: romance novels.

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